So it's been a while right? 5 months or so. I always wonder about what gets me writing and why. What it says about my mental health if I am not writing. Either things are really good... or whatever the correct medical term is for "head in the sand".
I think I write to check in with myself, or to not forget something I have learned.
This time I need a check in. I feel like my legs are on autopilot. My hands, my arms, and until now my brain.
A little background. My house. Again, if you have been following me you know we have moved a lot this year. As in last Christmas was 2 houses ago.
This Christmas season is gearing up and I feel like once again December sets off at a pace that leaves me panting to catch up.. and when I finally do catch up Christmas, New Years and Canadian Boxing Day have all hit the wind without a single Aloha. Rude!
My goal for Christmas is pretty simple this year. Put up the tree and smile. "Smiling's my favorite" ya'll. (give yourself a cookie if you caught the reference)
I'm writing this from my dining room table. I'm wearing a parka because there is a foot of snow on the ground outside- I can see it though the giant hole in my house.
The Despain's are under construction! (again)
I am grateful. We have wonderful people doing most of the work now so I have a little more time to do more relaxing things like reflect on life's unanswerable, unsolvable problems.
We started this house project because one day I talked my husband into opening up a wall. We know how this works. We can write a whole, If you give Despain a Hammer Book. You give us a hammer, we want to move a wall, then if we move a wall we need to fix the floor... so we may as well replace all the floors in all of the other rooms. Then if we get the floor in we may as well do new trim, and new windows, and a new kitchen... and move the master suite to the other side of the house, reverse the bathrooms, add a sunroom and throw in a slide to the basement for good measure.
Oh and let's skim coat the walls too cause' that could be fun.
I do pretty well living in chaos, but a lot of things fall through the cracks or get pushed back and that is what starts to eat at me. My confidence wavers. I start asking questions like "am I using renovation as an excuse not to do other things?"
Not just things like showering and wearing clean sweatpants.
I mean... paint, do things I will fail at, put myself out there.... be the man in the arena. (2 cookies if you get that reference)
Staying lost in the house projects is starting to feel like keeping my head in the sand and pretending to see stars. Literally not sure which way is up.
Lucky for me I found Florencio the reindeer.
I stole the name from my Sister's Husband's Brother's ex-boyfriend and I'm hoping that is distant enough that I can use it without paying royalties or offending anyone.
Also, I don't know anything about him so any resemblance between him and my Rangifer tarandus (3 cookies) is purely coincidental.
So what happened was I was in the checkout line at Home Goods. Like many stores they set up a maze of well stocked switchbacks leading to the cashiers. I saw him standing there among the novelty mugs; the picture of pure confidence. Without even opening his eyes he glitter slapped me and said... "I am Florencio the Rangifer tarandus, you will take me home for $4.99 plus tax and I will change your life."
So I took him home. And one by one the people in my life, completely missing the essence of him, look confused and concerned and ask what it is and what is it for and... just why?
You know what Florencio does in the line of fire? Stays perfectly balanced on those reindeer tippy toes, throws back his fur stole and looks even more fabulous. I think I even hear a latin beat emanating from his 6 antler sticks.
He makes me think about how easily I am affected by my world; By how much over thinking I do, by how little time I spend salsa dancing and wearing ethically procured fur stoles.
The magic of Florencio is that he is making moments magic. He is stopping me in my tracks and making me think not so much about where my moments are going and at what speed, but to stand a little taller, shine a little brighter and bring a little more fun into whatever season I find myself in.
I wish you all a little Florencio this season. And walls without holes.